Apr 12 2007

40 Things You Would Like To Say At Work

The Drunk Kansan wrote a sweet list of things you would like to say at work, some of which I may or may not have used. However, I get along with my co-workers and boss very well, so they accept it. (Jokingly Of course)

1. I can see your point, but I still think you‚??re full of shit.
2. I don‚??t know what your problem is, but I‚??ll bet it‚??s hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you‚??ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I‚??m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I‚??ll try being nicer if you‚??ll try being smarter.
7. I‚??m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don‚??t work here. I‚??m a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can‚??t understand a damn word you‚??re saying.
10. Ahhhh .. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don‚??t give a damn.
14. I‚??m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.officelife.jpg
16. Thank you. We‚??re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn‚??t mean you‚??re an artist.
18. Any connections between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!
20. I‚??m not being rude. You‚??re just insignificant.
21. It‚??s a thankless job, but I‚??ve got a lot of Karma to burn off
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn‚??t an office. It‚??s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I‚??m trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what‚??s behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder‚?¶my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
40. Oh, I get it‚?¶like humor‚?¶but different.


40 things, funny, humor, say at work, work

About the author

Timothy Haroutunian

Timothy Haroutunian is a ServiceNow Cloud Implementation Specialist at Acorio. ServiceNow is an IT Management solution that allows for a complete view of your IT and physical environment.

Permanent link to this article: http://www.armenianeagle.com/2007/04/12/40-things-you-would-like-to-say-at-work/


1 comment

  1. The Drunk Kansasn

    Just for the record, I didn’t write the list. It was one of those emails that was forwarded 3 million times. I just decided to put it up on the net, instead of continuing the email madness.

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